Sandra Shaw - Weather in Satin

Satin Can Mow Our Lawn

2010-08-16T15:11:00.004-04:00

Today we found Satin in VERY tight jeans, a casual, Old Navy looking shirt (stripes are in, bitches) and some “sneakers”, providing us an in-depth report from the Howard County fair. Did anyone notice the belt? We’ll start there… yes, it’s that Spartacus number she wore before. Does she not know that her belt and her shoes should kinda “match” – if not in color, then in style?? You can’t wear Bobo Payless trainers and some big-ass gladiator belt and think you’re going to look good. Seriously, Lady Gaga wouldn’t even try that one – Marge from Sam’s Club would but she would at least match her “YES DUMMY, I WORK HERE!” blue vest with her Bobo Payless trainers!

So, the producers made the decision to throw our fearless reporter on a riding mower – in this outfit. It’s just awkward, people. Are you feeling this? It’s like someone telling an off-color joke about (enter your non-PC category here) – it’s not horrible and yet forgettable, maybe even excusable, but awk-ward! This isn’t news. It doesn’t even feel like adults are in charge here.

And now we move on to the second image that has been burned in our brains - Satin standing next to the Three Neon Stooges. Apparently these guys won the “tug-of-war” last year. When asked what they do to prepare for the event, the skinny neon Stooge stated, “Eat a lot”. Now that’s some hard-hitting reporting there. But we noticed that Satin was drawn to their neon vest like a ship to the Siren’s song.

Square in your ship's path are Sirens, crying
beauty to bewitch men coasting by;
woe to the innocent who hears that sound!

She wants one of those vests… bad. And she’d probably match it with that goddamn skinny belt, a satin skirt and some duck boots.

It's Getting Hot in Herr

2010-07-28T13:58:00.004-04:00

Konichiwa bitches.

To reinterpret a quote from the frumpy, disheveled poet Bob Dylan – “it doesn’t take a weatherman to know that it’s hot as Dejebus out there”. There aren’t enough margaritas in Mexico or all of the TGIFridays combined to numb you up enough to tolerate this stifling heat... but we’ll try. In other words, it’s friggin hot - which kinda makes watching the weather a bit depressing. A malaise falls over us when we hear that it’s 100F but feels like 105F. Hot is hot people. Speaking of hot... check out this little number Satin was sporting.

We start off with a little cotton skirt. Understated but perfect to highlight one’s tan. We have a tuck and some blousing here but all and all, not so bad. But let us move on to the suggestive, sassy and sheer peaches-n-cream colored sleeveless blouse. Is that a wife-beater under there, a sports bra? It’s so mysterious – will we ever know what is reveled behind that proverbial kimono? We just love the fact that it’s sheer – totally appropriate for television. Seriously, are we crazy or should sheer fabrics be saved for a "Showgirls" movie night or the average "professional dancer" named Raven or Cee Cee or Genesis?

We love bourbon. Satin loves bourbon balls.

2010-07-26T13:06:00.006-04:00

Listen up bitches… news flash… Satin has been doing cooking segments! Who knew? We had no idea. Sure, let her interview the Ravens cheerleaders and talk about their hair. OK, let’s have Satin do the “Elmo on Ice” segment - but who green-lighted Satin cooking on the air? Cooking? What the hell… is she going to be doing a segment about replacing your transmission next?

The first thing we noticed is that she’s cooking with booze. People… this might explain a lot. She’s a girl after our own heart. Look at this clip! She’s cooking with Jim Beam! Next we’ll find out that she was a roadie for Guns and Roses in 1997.
Watch the clip - once you get past her usage of bourbon (generous pour) and the over usage of the word “balls”, which made us giggle ever goddamn time, take a gander at the outfit/costume she chose to BAKE in…

It’s not only a dress… it’s a silky, embroidered dress with, all together now, that fing skinny black belt! This is something you wear to “Terry from Human Resources” retirement happy hour. This is a dress found, multiple times, at the “Cougars Now 2010!” convention and probably a fancy, popular number at any “formal” evening on any Carnival Cruise ship. Are you picking up what we are putting down? SHE’S BAKING, PEOPLE!! BAKING! Not doing the electric slide with a goddamn appletini in her well-manicured, clutched paw! BAKING… baking balls!

Watch the part where she rolls the balls and try not to snicker… we dare you! And try not to “snarf” your cocktail when she casually mentions that she likes her balls bigger.

Video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NifXa4BmamQ

Sandy Takes Up Golf, S&M

2010-07-22T15:52:00.002-04:00

For months, nay over a year we have been asking, nay begging, Satin to get new accessories. We can only comment on that fing skinny little belt soo many times. That belt got used more than LiLo being passed around the ladies prison like a human loofah.

So, through the sound of the morning blender, we spy Satin promoting the newly renovated public driving range… wearing a belt you would find in a Swedish bondage film. “Hmmm let’s see (looks in closet)… I have to do that golf segment… how about this t-shirt, these tight jeans, this bondage belt and this leather hood. PERFECT!” Maybe a producer stepped in and nixed the leather hood?

Satin, we appreciate the effort but you’re golfing, not choking someone out and smashing their face in cranberries. Baby steps, darling. Baby steps.

Olive Garden - Big Salads, Phalic Advertising

2010-07-22T11:00:00.002-04:00

Is it me or is this commercial just "wrong"? Maybe I should just lighten up on the cough syrup and the Chardonnay.

Satin Launches Fashion Line; Drab Coats, Glossy Dresses

2010-04-28T17:06:00.004-04:00

This morning we awoke from a quiet evening of white wine, various cheeses and a role playing game called “Thunder Pony” (don’t’ ask) to find, what we thought was Satin unveiling her new line of dresses and coats at Greenspring Station. Notice the quality fabric choices; the modern yet classic patterns. Observe, if you can, the way her line tells a story… grips you with a narrative - designs Valentino would give his well manicured right arm for…

And then the morning haze lifted and we realized that Satin was covering a “trunk show” at Greenspring Station with soccer mom models. Seriously, are they models or women in a witness protection program? Is the woman to the right, in the Granny coat, really connected or associated with anything to do with fashion?!? Or did she just finish giving the traffic report? Puuuuuulllease! I hope she got something free or great parking when she bought that thing.

Seriously! Look at these dresses! Good Old Frosty Tips, over to the far left, looks like she’s wearing a goddamn fish tank. The one in the middle undoubtedly knows her way around an Appletini and that shiny mess of a dress has been to one too many “galas”.

And the piece de resistance – our hand model/tranny to Satins left. She’s a peach, that one. What is the pattern on that dress? A depiction of the Battle of 1812? A dragon?

Trunk show? Really?

Coco is rolling in her goddamn grave right now!

Blouse Hut Clearance Sale

2010-04-27T16:45:00.004-04:00

Generally, a standard white blouse has a specific bottom hem – a “square cut” i.e. a straight friggin’ line. So, Satin, being Satin, walks into Blouse Hut, briskly rushes past the alluring Siren song of the satin blouse clearance rack, strait to the “Standard White Blouse” area. As she flips through, “got it… got it… WAIT ONE MINUTE…!” she finds a white blouse that has the most interesting bottom hem. The word “interesting” doesn’t do it justice. It’s … unique.

People, it’s a friggin table cloth our Grandmother had on her side table in her foyer. Or it’s a blouse Satin used to wear when she was a hostess at Friendly’s and somehow got all of the Jim Dandy stains out of it. Either way… well look at it! It’s just wrong wrong wrong! Show off the guns, we get it. Slim cut, we get it. BUT THE BOTTOM OF THAT BLOUSE??!!

We do NOT get it.

We're A Little Rusty - That Dress is a Lot Ugly

2010-04-22T16:22:00.003-04:00

So, after some "time served" and "good behavior" the Satin Team is back in action. Sorry for the delay but when we heard if we had a phone, we had a lawyer... well, they just didn't tell us that the lawyer would suck.

Let's get to it - we've missed a lot. Satin is out on the road, we assume. And by the looks of things, the folks at Ch. 11 have her covering some hard-hitting assignments in some fug-ass clothes. Where does one buy a stretch-tee that accentuates a thin wrist with 9 buttons on the sleeve? Probably the same place she bought that dress. Seriously, was there a clean up on aisle 4 and she used that dress? Did she wear that to a paint ball tournament and she was used as a human shield?

Well, it's good to be back.

Satin On Ice

2009-10-30T16:46:00.001-04:00

Flip flip flip... Desperate Housewives of Atlanta... flip flip flip... Satin interviewing awkward teen ice skater for Disney On Ice in crazy satin top... flip flip OMG! That's right folks. Our girl is back, she's inside, not wearing a coat and she's got some new satin.

Look at this top! Seriously! It's like a shinny, silky watermelon exploded all over this lady. Or it looks like the Olympic skater and all things wonderful Brian Boitanno lent her his lucky shirt. Either way, it's a win/win for us.

Is anyone dressing as Satin for Halloween? We want to hear if anyone did and if so, take pictures!

Smell ya later, bitches. Boo.

Over to You Satin

2009-10-26T16:48:00.003-04:00

We guess we have to get use to this until Spring – Satin in a goddamn coat. Is it us or is she constantly in coats? She’s even standing INSIDE and she’s wearing a goddamn Inspector Gadget coat with way too many buttons. Maybe someone we know “got a deal” at Filene’s Basement or Coat Hut.

We also wonder if there has been a strain between Sarah and Satin since this new “shake up”? You can almost sense/smell the tension.

Satin, take your coat off and stay a while.

Satin De Vil

2009-10-20T18:31:00.007-04:00

Has anyone ever seen 101 Dalmatians? So, basically, this tranny Cruella De Vil wanted to buy a puppy that was lucky because it almost died or something, or a litter of puppies - it was vague. So this bitch wanted to make a coat out of the pelts of some puppies and she needed 101 – not 100 – not 102 – 101. We might be making that up or it's an urban legend but go with us... Apparently, that’s a bad thing – the killing of puppies to make a coat – minx, no problem, fox, go ahead but no puppy coats. So, she runs around trying to kidnap the dogs, she succeeds, we think she gets drunk or something and the dogs are saved by some high jinks or miscalculations or misunderstanding like some fucked up Three’s Company episode minus a gay guy and two chicks. Needless to say we didn’t pay that much attention during the film but what we did notice that Ms. De Vil was a pretty snazzy dresser and had no problem showing off some leg ifyouknowwhatwemean.

What has this to do with Satin? Well, we’re glad you asked. Take a look at this fing coat! Look at it! Now doesn’t it look like Ms. Satin was inspired by Ms. De Vil but didn’t have the heart to kill 101 puppies - but 101 pigeons? Seriously! Doesn’t it look like there is a bunch of dead pigeons tied around that girls neck like it’s warding off some kind of , oh vampire or something. (That’s called a call-back in the comedy world)

So, we think this is how it went down: Satin went home the other night all hot and bothered from the whole garlic necklace debacle, drank a box of wine while watching 101 Dalmatians and had an idea. She throws the necklace of garlic to the floor determined to make her own damn coat knowing full well that she can’t kill puppies – well at least not since college. So, she uses the next best thing – pigeons. And bamm – ugly pigeon coat.

It's Just Getting Sad... And Awesome.

2009-10-19T17:44:00.000-04:00

So, we’ve been bitching for like 4 months for Satin to accessorize or at least accessorize intelligently. Wearing that goddamn skinny belt 6 days a week doesn’t count girlfriend. So, there we were, scanning the talkie box for some entertainment – flip flip John and Kate Plus Hate, flip flip, truck commercial, flip flip Satin wearing a garlic necklace, flip (pause) flip back… are you shitting us? A necklace made of garlic? When do you just put the mic down and say enough is enough and take what’s left of your pride and go home? “I don’t care Todd! I know it’s a Halloween segment! Well, then you wear it! Ohh ohhhh that’s it! I quit! You can take that necklace and shove it up your patoot!!”

We get it. It’s a Halloween segment. A witch hat would have fucked up her hair and wouldn’t have played well on TV, we get that. But you make the executive decision to put an accessory that smells on someone who can’t get themselves dressed in the morning? Who is in charge over there? Doesn’t anyone see the irony?
And that jacket? Satin, Joan Collins called and she wants her coat back. (that joke never gets old)

Maybe she’s going to replace that goddamn skinny belt with a garlic necklace/belt and rock it.

We're Back Motherfuc&ers!

2009-10-16T09:20:00.006-04:00

Sorry... we've been busy. Look... you try partying 4 days straight with Pat Sajak and the Wu Tang Clan in Reno Nevada! We left Reno with a chipped tooth, walking pneumonia, a neck tattoo that says "Charlie's Angel" (don't ask) and many mystery bruises. But the weather was nice.

So, Satin is "reporting" at night now. How do we feel about this? Well, she must have fuc&ed up real bad, ifyouknowwhatwemean, because she's stuck doing "girl on the street" stories - interviewing homeless guys that juggle, dogs that drive, etc. But what hasn't changed is her fashion sense - thank you baby Jesus.

Is it us or does it look like she MADE this dress and threw it over a long sleeved t-shirt? Satin, what did we tell you about making your own clothes??!? We know it's a recession and all but ninja please, put the sewing kit down. Yes, lace is very "in" right now but leave that up to Christian Lecroix. Trust us, he knows what he's doing - stick to interviewing "Otis" - the opera singing parrot.

And those boys are right.... Wu Tang Clan ain't nothin' ta fuck with. Trust us.

P.S. - nothing changes - that goddamn belt is back.

Sweet Baby Jesus This Is Boring

2009-10-13T17:43:00.004-04:00

OK, bitches. We are boring ourselves over here. (gulps cocktail) We started this blog because we just couldn't take it anymore. We couldn't take another day of watching the weather and not commenting about Satin's costumes... or umm outfits. After something like 60+ posts (most about Satin), 5,000+ viewers and all kinds of analytics, she runs away - or get's forced out of town.

Seriously, we don't know what to do. (gulps cocktail)

Sure, there are plenty of "news" ladies that dress like train-wrecks but Satin spoke to us. We had a bond. She never disappointed us with her hot-mess-outfit-du-jour and we never ran out of bitchy/snarky things to say.

(gulps cocktail as ice smash into front teeth)

Alas, bitches, we may have seen the end. Unless you have a better idea? And if it involves chloroform, count us in! Now's your chance to let us know what you think.

We're seeing double and dry humping our bath mat seems like a pretty good idea right about now. So, in other words, we cant be a held accountable for our actions.

Tony Panntera

2009-10-09T10:32:00.002-04:00

OK... so it looks like we're stuck with this Tony Pann guy. Gotta be honest, don't trust the dude. He blinks too much and owns one suit. He's the neighbor that screams at the television, drinks a lot of Coors Light, and drives a sedan. Seriously, this guy isn't going to give us a lot to work with. Pfft. (gulps Bloody Mary)/ He didn't even wear purple today!

So, the realization is that Satin has been reassigned. Did she do something wrong? Was there some kind of juicy WBAL gossip or a torrid affair between her and some VP or station manager? That would be awesome. But that does not fix the problem. FIX IT! (bangs hand on desk)

I say we rally, bitches! I say we petition WBAL and request, NAY, DEMAND Satin back! Let our collective, snarky voice be heard! Flood WBAL with Satin e-mails!! Take to the streets... actually don't take to the streets. No one cares that much and we could pull a muscle or something.

Any thoughts? If not, we're looking at 5 days a week of Tony Pann...

Remember bitches, it's all about buzz maintenance.

M.I.A. - Satin

2009-10-08T17:29:00.005-04:00

OK bitches, this is serious business. Satin is totally missing in action. One minute she's wearing huge, wrap-around leather belts and shiny, happy hour blouses, the next we have some guy that looks like he just sold a happy couple their very own cherry red, 1980 Dodge Dart. We're having... dare we say... Satin withdraw.

It's up to you bitches. Find us screen caps of Satin. We hear that she's doing "news" reports now, like gal-around-town segments. Well, if you see her, grab a pic and send it to weatherinsatin@gmail.com.

If we don't start getting pics, we're afraid to say it bitches, but this blog is gonna die like Twinkies in Rosie O'Donnell's kitchen ifyouknowwhatwemean.

What The Hell?

2009-10-07T10:01:00.002-04:00

Can someone please explain to us who the hell this guy is and what has he done with our beloved Satin? We cant be expected to write about suits? Who gives a crap about Men's Warehouse suits!! What the hell is going on with this "double team" crap?? Where is Satin? Has anyone seen her?

(gasping)

(gulping Cosmo)

(gasping)

Go Ravens!

2009-10-02T12:49:00.000-04:00

It looks as if Satin’s head was clear enough this morning to differentiate the colors “purple” and “black” (is black a color or the presence of ALL color?) – God knows it’s tough to see colors at 3:30am after a happy hour which turned into a wine tasting which parlayed into a Miller light tasting and karaoke practice which merged into a “where’s my fing car” nightcap.

Apparently today is Purple Friday and everyone in Baltimore, tax payers and non-tax payers alike, are encouraged, nay bullied, to wear the fighting colors of Baltimore’s very own Ravens. It’s all good, American fun, we get it. We’re not one to shy away from Mother’s Purple Patio. We have been known to drink Miller light and Irish Mist shots at 11am - screaming and ranting whilst shaking one’s booty to the latest Kayne song with the best of them. But we digress.

So, Satin jumped on the band wagon and wore purple and black. And that’s exactly what she did – there’s nothing more to that outfit than purple and black. A simple, understated, yawnfest. Wear a nice necklace. Wear an eye patch forChristsake.

She Brings The Leather

2009-10-01T10:42:00.001-04:00

Well, Satin kicked of Rocktober with a HUGE fing leather belt. This thing needs its own zip code forcryinoutloud. It’s like she wrapped her 5-year-old nephew’s leather jacket around her waist. Satin, seriously, give Danny his coat back; it’s going to get cold tonight!

And to be honest, that’s the largest mock-turtle neck t-shirt we have ever seen. Sure, some of you might say, “Ohhh that’s a dress.” And “ You’re better when you don’t talk about DJs and Barry White – and it’s still a dress!” But from our hazzy, we-drank-too-much-bourbon-last-night-and-ended-up-telling-nonsensical-stories-to-strangers vantage point, that motherscratcher is a really big t-shirt.

We’re still scratching our heads about that belt. Yes, we’re back to the belt. BUT LOOK AT IT! Where does one buy a belt like that? Satin, all of the members of Heart called and they want the fuc&ing belt back! Ok, so she opened her closet today (yes, it was dark – 3am) and looked around, “hmmmmm let’s see – I can wear this firefighters coat and these pajama bottoms – noooo – hmmm – ohhhh how about this long mock-turtleneck t-shirt dress and the belt I use to wear to Hammerjacks! YES!”

Someone needs a hug, new belt

2009-09-30T10:01:00.003-04:00

People, believe it or not, what you wear says a lot about who you are or how you are feeling or both. Now some of you are going to say “That’s shallow!” or “That’s socialist! Let’s go have a tea party!” or “That’s really shallow!” And we would agree with all of those angry rants - sotra - especially the one about having a tea party because nothing gets a point across loud and clear then earsplitting yelling and people holding up signs that use the “Krazy Kracker” font. But we digress.

Our point today is, Satin, honey, just TRY. That’s all we are saying. This whole blog can conclude that you a.) don’t care b.) are hurting inside or c.) on the cutting edge of fashion and the “Working Girl” look is going to make a comeback.
Today, we give you a point (1 point) for incorporating some color. Yes, you tucked that pink top into that gray flannel skirt (see yesterday’s rant - minus .5 points). But couldn’t we have taken that outfit just one more step further? Seriously, pan down and we would expect to see white socks and white Reeboks because “the dogs are barking” walking back and forth in front of that green screen.

Do you need a hug? Well, go get a stylish necklace or a belt that you can’t wear around your ribcage. Maybe some boyfriend jeans. They’re hot right now and seriously, who would care if you wore jeans this Friday?

We dare you. Double-dog dare you.

Mobbie Dick

2009-09-29T14:17:00.004-04:00

Look out cats and kittens, Weather In Satin has been nominated for a Mobbie. It's such an honor to be nomin... honestly, we wouldn't know a Mobbie if it ran up and kicked us square in the crotch. (spilling cocktail from laughter)

So, you can vote here.

Or not.

We will sleep soundly regardless of the Mobbie outcome. We want to win your hearts, not your votes.

And always remember, cinch, tuck and shine bitches!

What The Tuck

2009-09-29T10:58:00.005-04:00

There are a couple of things in life one should never do: 1.) get in a land war with China, 2.) drink scotch at an outside, summer wedding, 3.) wear a team jersey if you are not on the team (listen up Canton) and 4.) tuck your sweater into your pants. We don’t care who you are. Never, ever tuck your sweater – even Bill Fing Cosby had enough sense to not tuck those awful, garish sweaters into his Dockers.

People, it’s like Satin always gets it half right. She pulls out a nice skirt, finds a sweater (thank you baby Jesus that it wasn’t a loose fitting sweater) and then probably says to herself, “Should I synch this with my favorite skinny belt or tuck this bitch in?” Because, let’s be honest people, she’s going to do one or the other – or sometimes even both. Today she went with the tuck, tomorrow we will probably see the belt.

Side note: we saw a huge spike in readers yesterday. What gives? Was everyone bored and decided to read about the local weartherperson’s outfit critique.

Nevermind The Pickleback

2009-09-28T16:43:00.005-04:00

An Evening of British Rock-N-Roll
DJ NERDloud and DJ Nap-N-Spin
THIS WEDNESDAY, September 30
8 p.m.
Idle Hour

View Larger Map
Be there or be somewhere less cool.

My So Called Satin

2009-09-28T15:57:00.003-04:00

Today, looking at Satin’s drab, lifeless outfit, we had a breakthrough. It hit us like a ton of martini olives… where have we seen these outfits before – wait for it - MY SO CALLED LIFE bitches!

In the mid 90’s there was a show on ABC called “My So Called Life”. It followed the emotional trials and tribulations of several self-aware teenagers – or so says wikipedia. It dealt with some heavy topics like child abuse, homophobia, teenage alcoholism, homelessness, adultery, school violence, same-sex parenting, censorship, drug use, and flannel. Other than the always loveable and tortured Claire Danes character “Angela” and Jared Leto’s perfectly depicted brooding, popular, mysterious, and dyslexic “Jordan”, there was another character who we loved - “Patty” – Angela’s mother.

It has come to our attention that in 1996, when the show was cancelled, “Patty’s” wardrobe was purchased by none other than our very own Satin. Today’s outfit was very “Patty” - bland top with a lot of buttons, black skirt. Boring.
So, when you see future Satin outfits, go rent season one of My So Called Life, you’ll find Satin’s muse in one or two scenes.

Jeremy Spoke In Hooo Hooo Hooo

2009-09-25T10:56:00.004-04:00

So, we woke up today under our coffee table to see Satin all grunged out. We don’t think she had Ox Blood Doc Martin’s on but she DID sport a flannel today... and guess what else... that goddamn belt. How the hell does all of that go together? If yer going to go with a trend (flannel is hot) GO WITH IT. Don’t half-ass it – it’s like making a gin and tonic with no ice. Ya dig?

And who saw yesterday’s get up? Satiny satin satin. All black and shinny. Fing hot mess. We’ve seen these pieces before but never together and man O’ man it’s a satin force to be reckoned with.

DJ Murder and DJ Nap-N-Spin

2009-09-17T17:25:00.002-04:00

It's not officially set in stone but we hear through the grapevine that DJ Murder and DJ Nap-N-Spin will be spinning at Idle Hour Wednesday, September 30. We'll let you know when the ink is dry on the contract and their rider is settled.

Just Plain Wrong

2009-09-17T17:20:00.000-04:00

Maybe we know nothing about fashion. Maybe we don’t know what looks good. Maybe we have no idea what’s hot now (leather jackets with anything btw). BUT we do know that you should never wear competing patterns let alone competing patterns in ONE DRESS. So, in our book, stripes and zig-zags make your brain get all loopy like you’ve been huffing metallic gold spray paint in your basement.

Look, we’re trying to find positives here. Believe it or not, being negative sucks like being Kanye right now sucks. But goddamn Sam, that dress is just wrong. It’s just wrong. Have you ever had about 4 cosmos and danced to Love Shack at an open-bar wedding and then slipped in someone else’s spilled drink, spilling your drink on a brides maid and then screamed “look at me!!” for no apparent reason and then told the bride she has a big ass and then… yea, it’s that wrong.

FAIL.

That Poor Little Black Skirt

2009-09-16T13:23:00.002-04:00

Don’t know if anyone else has made this observation but Satin has worn a black skirt for like four days in a row (scroll down). Well, not in a row - maybe she didn’t wear it to the Chosen Son’s BBQ on Saturday. But still, that baby is gettin’ a work out. Girrrlllll. Sure, you can wear pretty much anything with a sleek, black skirt, but the idea is to NOT wear it every day. So, ya love PB&J. It’s a great sandwich. But not for a solid week. Ya dig?

And yes, today we have an accompanying satin, mother-of-pearl blouse. Shimmery, Shiny, Satin. Very Studio 54.

My My My Poker Face

2009-09-15T10:27:00.003-04:00

So, today Satin kicked things off with a Yawnfestapaloozah outfit. Let’s just say it was very forgettable – a cream colored sweater, a black under-blouse thing and a black skirt. This outfit lacked soul, it lacked imagination, and it lacked thought. It was very, how do we put this… NORMAL. Does she do this to throw us off the Satin trail? Is it calculated? To quote Rachael Zoe: “Unclear.”

We have found a new muse for Satin – Lady Gaga (and we use the term “lady” loosely ifyouknowwhatwemean) SPOLIER ALERT – we don’t think Lady Gaga is a lady ifyouknowwhatwemean. Manish Gaga is a hot mess. This tranny will wear ANYTHING, anywhere and she doesn’t seem to give a flying fig. Wrap my entire body up in red lace with a crazy-assed hat, surewhynot. Can you image Satin in some of Lady Gaga’s outfits? What a glorious day that would be. But alas, we are stuck with the occasional PTA sweater and Express black skirt combo.

Yawn.

Someone Needs To Retire This Replicant

2009-09-14T18:05:00.004-04:00

People, people. We are back, refreshed from our “retreat”, and ready to rumble.

So, today we slap on the “news” and see Satin is back wearing her good luck, Robotron3000 costume. She’s all tan guns and shoulder pads and skinny belt and black skirt. Seriously, there are only so many things we can write about this costume – and yes, today it’s a costume. We have always said that there is a fine line between an outfit and a costume and this friends, is a costume. Think about it… add a hat, any hat, and BOOSH – costume!

Wasn’t Sean Young wearing this thing in Blade Runner? And yes, for those that weren’t paying attention during that movie, “Rachael” (Sean Young) was a replicant. Spoiler ALERT.

So, wake up bitches. It’s a new week.

Yoi Yume O, bitches!

2009-09-09T14:40:00.003-04:00

Sorry to pee in everyone’s proverbial Cheerios but the Weather In Satin team is on another much needed retreat to concentrate a little harder on our health. We didn’t focus enough last time so we thought we would give it another shot. Unfortunately, we will not have access to the WBAL Morning News Team for the next three days i.e. no Satin. Yes, yes, we know, “what is the Satin Army going to do for the next two days” (eye roll).

So, dry your tears, we’ll be back. And in the mean time, feel free to read past entries, comment on recent ones (especially the knee-slappers) and miss us like Steven Seagal misses his 34 inch waist line and most of his hair.

And this is our 50th post. Do we get some kind of gold star from “Blogger” or the key to some crappy virtual city in The Sims?

Pahhhdawww!

2009-09-08T10:07:00.002-04:00

We hope that everyone had a laborious-free day yesterday. We have no idea what Satin wore yesterday nor did we care while playing board games in the sunshine, sipping on our 5th mojito, and occasionally screaming out “Yahtzee, motherfuc&ers!” Buhjesus, that game is awesome. We think we wore the same clothes all weekend so blog about that if ya want, bitches. Stainy is the new crisp.

Today’s outfit… what can we say? The girl looks good! Goddamn. Seriously. Her hair is banging, she actually accessorized with a subtle necklace and that suit isn’t “that” bad. The white blouse is a bit frilly but baby steps, people, baby steps.

We likey.

We’ll see if she can keep up this pace but from the looks of Friday’s outfit, we all know that there is a high pressure system of satin on the horizon.

God Bless America!

2009-09-04T15:34:00.004-04:00

The staff at Weather In Satin would like to wish each and every reader a healthy and happy Labor Day. We won't be posting on Monday due to an expected "OMG Sunday is the new Saturday!" Cocktail Flu and typing just seems a bit out of the question.

But thank Baby Jesus that we live in a country were we all get off on "Labor" Day and we can buy the "Pole Dancer" doll for our children. What we love more than the actual doll is the packaging. They sell the doll as: "Style", "Interesting", "Flash", "Up and Down" and the always popular hook "Go round and round".

To quote a local celebrity and Satin fan "Bong bong bong bong."

Some say it's mystic. It's electric. Boogie woogie, woogie.

2009-09-04T09:52:00.002-04:00

OK! ENOUGH! We want to see a show of hands (or at least comments) – who out there watched today's morning weather report and said “What the fuc&!!?!” Seriously, just stopped in your tracks and wondered where in the hell does one buy that outfit? We don’t even think Chicos carries that kinda of material... but we could be wrong. Show your faces people! We can’t be the only people as excited as Rosie O’Donnell at a Horn and Horn when we saw Satins’ outfit today.

Skinny, black, shiny belt – check
Purple “Go Ravens” satiny, silky very shimmery skirt – check
"Whatthefu&k is that... is that a..." bow, short sleeved, pearl-colored SATIN blouse – check

It’s like “Groundhog Day”, people. This is the type of outfit that inspired this blog. This is the type of outfit that says “I have a parent/teacher meeting and then I’m meeting the girls at the Towson Sheraton later for Cosmos, some Electric Slide, and ambling about a parking garage looking for my car.” This is the type of outfit that makes us wonder who’s in charge over there at Channel 11.

Satin, we have to admit, you have flipped us the proverbial middle finger and said “Fu&k you and your blog. I’m wearing a lot of satin today.”

Hazzah, Satin. Hazzah.

In The Future There Will Be Flying Cars and Robots and Tang

2009-09-03T11:53:00.002-04:00

Did someone jack half of a futuristic costume from the set of Battlestar Galactica? People, we’ve seen that skirt before. It’s 20% dominatrix, 20% Tron, 60% hot mess.

The fitted, black sweater/shirt was a great start. We would have jazzed (jazz hands) it up a bit with a Candace Ang necklace but what do we know. But then you work your way down and low-and behold, Satin shows us the future of fashion. Buttons! Faux leatherish material! Cinching! Karl Lagerfeld would have been ecstatic, prancing around with his riding crop, shouting “Satin! You are a true inspiration!”

Again, butwhatdoweknow.

“Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?” – Mugatu

It’s A Beautiful/Khaki Day in The Neighborhood

2009-09-02T11:31:00.003-04:00

Warning: we’re in a bit of a bad mood today, bitches. Yes, it’s a beautiful day today. Yes, it’s breezy and sunny and wonderful. But to be honest with you folks, we’re just not feeling it.

Today, Satin couldn’t have worn a more uninspired outfit than the one she chose at 3 a.m. this morning. No color, drab fabric, Mr. Rodger’s-In-Vegas looking jacket, who the hell knows. It’s like she knew we wouldn’t care so why should she. To be honest, Satin could have worn a goddamn sombrero and a coconut bra and we would have been like “That’s nice... fins to the left, bithches”.

Listen people, there are only so many things one can do with taupe, camel, khaki, caramel, off-white, etc. It’s like today’s outfit’s color palate was inspired by a White Marsh condominium. NO ONE REALLLYYY LIKES VANILLA! It’s boring. Does one drag their sorry, “I’ll go to the gym tomorrow” ass into Cold Stone Creamery to get a “Love It” scoop of Vanilla and nothing else? No cake? No jimmies? NO! You go there and you get every goddamn thing they have and make those over-pierced, eye-rolling ice cream artists fold all of that crap into one HUGE hot mess!

Seriously!

We’re off to Cold Stone and make those bitches sing that goddamn “you tipped us” song.

It’s All About the Benjamin’s, Baby

2009-09-01T09:33:00.007-04:00

Doesn’t Channel 11 know that we are reliant on their Satin streaming video? The Weather In Satin Team evaluates Satin’s daily forecast like game film – stopping, rewinding, pointing, gasping, etc. Today, we go to the Channel 11 site and well, let’s just say that the webmaster let US ALL DOWN. We might need help from the studio audience to weigh in on today's ensemble.

This morning we were half-asleep/half-in-the-bag from last night’s “who can talk the loudest and drink the most wine” workshop as we tried our best to focus on Satin’s outfit. But all we got was a rust or burnt sienna colored sweater/shirt that was elegantly trimmed in monochromatic satin with a satin collar. Mmmmm – it kinda reminded us of an ode to the bowling shirt.

We think Satin sported a forgettable black skirt. Who knows at this point. And let’s not forget… THAT GODDAMN BELT!

If we had a dollar for every time we had to type that or you had to read that, we’d all be rich enough to hang with Diddy or P. Diddy of Puffy or Whateverhescallinghimselfiddy.

Swimmin in women wit they own condominiums
Five plus fives, who drive millineums
Its all about the benjamins, what?
I get a fifty pound bag of ooh for the mutts
Five carats on my hands wit the cuts
And swim in european figures

What the hell is he talking about?

Satin, Rinse, Repeat

2009-08-31T10:58:00.002-04:00

We’d first like to report that our “retreat” was a complete success! We feel refreshed and in the spirit of focusing on our health, we have found a new drink that not only provides the daily allotment of Vitamin C but offers a wondrous numbing effect to ones face and stress level… it’s called the Pink Greyhound and we recommend Kettle One vodka – don’t cheap out on this one.

Today we awoke to find Satin up to her old tricks – a blue, satin blouse haphazardly tucked into a pinstriped suit/skirt... and yes, you guessed it... the skinny, shiny belt. (big eye roll) Today’s outfit felt rushed. It’s like Satin, gasping, awoke to find that she didn’t set her alarm. “WHAT THE FU&K, Mr. Fluffernutter!!” Frantically running about her apartment/Town home/condo, Satin threw an outfit together while devouring a Slim Fast and a protein bar. This outfit showed a complete disregard for thought or attention to detail.

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” – Coco Chanel

Danny’s Coming… Wear Satin!

2009-08-27T10:14:00.003-04:00

We were watching Satin’s weather forecast today, actually paying attention to the weather for a second, and wondered aloud who names tropical storms and hurricanes and how. Is there a database of names that have been approved from NOAA? If we had that job, we’d at least give them butcher names like “Danny The Horrible” or “Isabel The Passive Aggressive Tropical Storm” or “Hot Mess Bob”. Danny? Who the hell is afraid of Danny? Danny is the dude that drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade and knows all of the words to “Ice Ice Baby”.

Anyhoo… we have lots to cover…

Satin must have read Tuesdays blog and had an “I’ll_Show_Them_2.0” moment and decided to REALLY wear someone’s pajama top… for real. Seriously, this was like her Uncle Bob’s (no relation to Tropical Storm “Hot Mess Bob) summer PJ top that probably smelled like Old Spice and Scotch. That blouse just screamed “SLEEP OVER PARTY!” Whatthehell!

We have sad news to report. The Weather In Satin staff will be taking some personal time off on Friday so don’t go screaming into the streets and rip out your extensions because there is no blog post on Friday. Following Melanie Griffith’s lead, we too are going on a much needed retreat to “reinforce our commitment to stay healthy”.

Smell ya later, bitches!

Fashion Tip #245

2009-08-26T09:54:00.002-04:00

There are some things in one’s wardrobe which are irreplaceable and stand the test of time; a Ben Sherman, two-button suit, perhaps, or a black Chanel cocktail dress. These are pieces that you can buy now and have in your closet for a lifetime… keeping in mind you don’t gain 20 pounds from your new cheesecake/root beer diet. Accessories, on the other hand, are replaceable… and let’s be honest… should be replenished as often as possible.

Which brings us to THAT BELT…

Honey, we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: THROW THAT GODDAMN THING AWAY! Seriously, go shopping today. Pick yourself out a new belt that fits well, is less shiny and one that you don’t have to tuck in the side because it’s too friggin’ long. Trust us, you’ll feel better. Buying things always makes us feel better.

"If you didn't do that jacket in fleece I would have been like give me a Xanax, I'm asleep."—Michael Kors

News Flash… Satin Wears Satin

2009-08-25T11:27:00.003-04:00

There is only one person in this country that can get away with wearing their pajamas all day in public and that person is Hugh Hefner. And the only reason he can wear his satin PJs at 2 p.m. to the mall is that he’s rich and surrounded by semi-naked women who want his money – more so that he’s rich and doesn’t give a damn.

Satin took it upon herself to wake up, pick out a gray, ladies business suit and say to her Cocker Spaniel Mister Fluffernutter, “Screw it... I’m going to keep my pajama top on and tuck it into this here suit skirt... I mean, who’s paying attention to what I’m wearing anyway... right?”

Seriously... that satin top was “Gary Busey Crazy” and that’s a whole new level of crazy. That Rorschach test pattern might be revolutionary - a comfortable blouse that can examine one's personality characteristics and emotional functioning. Neat!

But we loved her hair today. She must have gotten some new product.

Ebony and Ivory, Stick Together In Perfect...

2009-08-24T09:19:00.002-04:00

Its Monday folks… wake up and smell your coffee. We don’t know about you but we think Satin looked pretty good today! With a white “who knows what kind of fabric” top and a simple, slimming (NO BELT) skirt, Satin looked fine. BUT (and there’s always a “but”) that necklace…

We don’t’ mind when people go down the DIY road – recklessly driving with one hand on the wheel, the other on a Bedazzler, thinking that they can design and construct clothing or jewelry. “I don’t know what’s so hard about this… it’s just a skirt. How hard could it be?” But Satin, that necklace… did you make that at Camp Wanapatoki back in the 80’s? Was a God’s Eye or potholder a little too “common” for you back then? That thing was just yarn, or string, tied in knots and then it just suggestively flung itself hither and there – we found it distracting.

Side note: Was it us or did BFFs Sarah and Satin look like they were headed to a wedding after the news cast? “God… Tina is so nervous. What did you get them? I got them a margarita set from Crate and Barrel… you know how much she loved mine!” You put those two girls together and we just see “Party With Cash Bar”.

What Is It... 1,000 Words?

2009-08-21T15:03:00.002-04:00

Did Tim Gunn just tell Satin that he's a big Weather In Satin fan?

Speaking of which, who saw Project Runway last night? Bytheway Lifetime sucks because it's not high-def on Direct TV and the Snarkometer 3000 loves her some high-def when picking apart home-sewn, glued together fashion.

God we missed our hero Michael Kors. All hail the King/Queen of Snark!

A Burning Ring of Satin

2009-08-21T09:23:00.004-04:00

TGIF! Satin is back, bitches, and by the look of today's outfit, she's back with a vengeance. First, the "Suggestive V" satin skirt has made its triumphant return (this is the same skirt that pushed us over the edge a month ago today). This skirt knows how to party, Studio 54 style, if you know what we mean.

And now we move on to the piece de resistance... that blouse. (eye roll)

Today's black satin, short sleeved blouse, was probably purchased from Johnny Cash's virtually unknown but always classy clothing line "Country/Western Hot Mess". People, what the hell is going on with this thing? It's a shinny, tucked in, satiny train wreck. Woooo woooooo! There's even something wrapped around the poor girl's neck like a black, satin Python. Is she going rollerskating at Venice Beach later?

“I'd like to wear a rainbow every day, and tell the world that everything is o.k. But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back. Until things are brighter, I'm the Man in Black satin.” - J. Cash

This Is Kinda Painful... Can't Stop Watching

2009-08-20T13:22:00.006-04:00

Satin's BFF Sarah Caldwell (Morning Traffic Person) interviewed Regis yesterday "behind the scenes". Regis seemed VERY INTERESTED in Satin's dating status... and we also learned that she has to get up at 2:30am!

Everything is starting to make sense. Honey, listen, pick out what you are going to wear THE NIGHT BEFORE. Getting dressed at 3am is like trying to parallel park an 18-wheeler in heels after 5 mojitos and a WooHoo shooter.

Regis! The man is curious!

And do these ladies do curls together? WHO WANTS TICKETS TO THE GUN SHOW?!?

Satin Back In Baltimore, Reality Sets In

2009-08-20T09:24:00.003-04:00

Today we voted... some of us thought that Satin looked "good" today. Some of us didn't care because they had work to do and a conference call and this apparently wasn't important, and some of us had issues with today's jacket but couldn't put their finger on it. Was it the color, not really. Was it the cut, not really. Was it our expectation that we were going to be dazzled after Satin's triumphant return from Live from Regis and Satin... probably. Look people, this isn't a science. We don't have a Super Computer (yet) over here at the Satin Headquarters that spits this stuff out like a lemon seed in the last gulp of your Cosmo. So, our "Snark Meter 3000" was set on low/stun today... the outfit wasn't an abomination, there was no belt that we could see and there was no satin BUT it wasn't a home run.

In other news... we are pleased to report that we had a HUGE spike in traffic yesterday! Almost 400 of you had nothing better to do than read about Satin instead of weighing in on the National Heath Care debate or the increase in violence in Afghanistan or what Brad Pitt ate for breakfast and with whom.

So snip-snap bitches. Keep coming back for more.

Satin Looked...

2009-08-19T15:52:00.003-04:00

The first wave of reports to our Satin News Team have been favorable. She looked pretty good! Part of it might be that she was sitting and the belt might have been covered up.... we still haven't reviewed the tapes.

WBAL was even in on the act, "Shaw, in a navy blue dress, and Philbin, in a light blue suit, were holding hands as they were introduced to open the show."

Holding hands? And is it us or does Regis have like 5 beverages in front of him. Gotta have options, we guess. Who are we to judge... hahahaha (spills drink again from laughter).

This Just In...

2009-08-19T11:54:00.003-04:00

Satin takes Manhattan... with a big, green button.

Slow news day yesterday.

http://www.wbaltv.com/video/20451489/

Look A"live" People! Get It...?

2009-08-19T10:59:00.005-04:00

Today is the day, bitches! Our Satin (apparently "Sandy" to some) is on NATIONAL TELEVISION today! Unfortunately we have a day job, (being snarky about a local weatherperson's fashion sense doesn't pay well) and won't be able to catch the "LIVE With Regis and Satin" episode. So, we're counting on The Satin Army to send in clips and screen-caps to weatherinsatin@gmail.com.

And keep the comments flooding in! Some are constructive. Some are just downright hurtful.... just kidding. (spills drink from laughter)

Today was just like yesterday except Mindy Basara decided to NOT listen to the weather forecast of "hazy, hot and humid" and wore a cashmereish type sweater. Sheesh... got hot just watching her talk about gun crime and water main breaks. "Sylvia from Accounting" is still dependent on those damn flash cards but we think tomorrow might be the day she just uses her hands to click the magic button and point to the accidents. And Jim (Satin's scab-weatherperson),in a smart, gray, three-button suit was a bit camera-shy and just ran off of the screen to give the weather forecast from the lunchroom.

It's a big day today!

Tim Gunn Hates Championship Wrestling Belts

2009-08-18T14:38:00.007-04:00

So, we go to LIVE With Regis and Satin to make sure that everything is in order, nervously clicked on links, basically pacing around their site like a hamster on Red Bull and a double machiato... and what did we learn... Tim Gunn from Project Runway is going to be a guest TOMORROW!

Does anyone smell the irony? We had NOTHING to do with this, folks. Facts... TIM Fu&KING GUNN has a make-over show (Tim Gunn's Guide To Style). TIM MOTHERFUC&ING GUNN is a host of TVs most popular fashion show (Project Runway). TIM FU&KINGMOTHERFU&KER GUNN taught fashion design at Parsons in NYC. Wouldn't it be rich if Satin interviewed Tim Gunn?

So, do you think Satin is nervous now?

Jim? Who The Hell Is Jim?

2009-08-18T09:14:00.006-04:00

It's not Friday but it sure did feel like Friday - and not that "ohhhmygod I can't wait to get home a drink a box of wine" feeling. But that "Friday" feeling we have all come to semi-appreciate where up is down, black is white and "Sylvia From Accounting" does the traffic report while reading off of flash cards. Is anyone seeing a pattern here: Satin has a personal day, so does traffic reporter Sarah Caldwell... we smell BFFs.

Soooooo... our assumption is that Satin had to fly to NYC to prep for tomorrow's "LIVE with Regis and Satin" taping... but we guess they're not taping since it's live. Let's hope they're putting her up in some swanky pad in the Village and not some Hyatt on Times Square overlooking 100,000 herding European tourists taking pictures of "Naked Guitar Guy with The Cowboy Hat".

Which leaves us to Jim. Jim is no Satin, people. He had on a nicely tailored pinstripe suit and Banana Republic tie. Not to shabby, Jim.

Listen up bitches... tomorrow is our SUPER BOWL! Satin is going to be on National television. She will be interviewing people of stature, people of prominence, she might even do a cooking segment. Who the hell knows! We are as excited as a little girl on Christmas Eve knowing she got the Barbie Condo AND the Barbie Corvette because she looked under her parents bed!

Transformers! More Than Meets The Eye!

2009-08-17T09:09:00.005-04:00

Is Satin a Decepticon or an Autobot? This morning we woke up and could have sworn that Stain's blouse was a Smart Car parked out in front of our house before she did the weather. All hail Satinus Prime! What is it with this thing? Sure, it shows off Satinus Prime's guns but seriously... where does one buy a blouse or top of that construction and design? Japan?

And it's painfully obvious that Satin doesn't even read her own tribute blog because that goddamn skinny, shinny black belt is cinching with the best of them this morning!

Remember: "Power flows to the one who knows how. Desire alone is not enough" - Megatron.

Chance of Showers, Skinny Belt

2009-08-14T09:26:00.000-04:00

We have a couple issues with today's outfit - and that should not come to some surprise... we generally have issues or this blog would be terrifyingly boring.

Our first issue is that, and we checked our calendar, it's Summer, right? And summertime means trips to the beach, gardening and pool parties where you drink too many daiquiris ("OK. One more."), eat 7 deviled eggs like Cool Hand Luke and pass out in a strangers walk-in closet. But what Summer means to most people is COLOR. COLOR! Satin, you are not dressing for a "Ravens Mixer with Cash Bar and Half Off Appetizers" at Padonia Station. Please add some color to your repertoire!

Next... that goddamn skinny belt. Honey, seriously, give that girl a rest. She's been cinching in all of your tucked-in blouses for three days straight. That belt is like the Cal Ripkin Jr. of fashion!

Finally... you guessed it... we got ourselves some satin! A purple satin skirt that looks like official NFL merchandise For Her(tm). Go Ravens! Go Satin!

And listen up bitches... you people need to start commenting! Seriously! It's like we're talking to ourselves like some crazy person with one of those goddamn BlueTooth ear-pod phones walking around Whole Foods. This is a two-way street people!

Finally!

2009-08-13T09:05:00.000-04:00

They say (and we have no idea who "they" is) that a broken clock is right twice a day. With that in mind... today we don't have much to say about Satin's outfit. (gasp!) Right? Sure, it's a bit conservative but it lacked satin, a huge leather belt, (don't think we didn't notice the repeat of the skinny belt)or puffs, frills, big buttons, etc. It was a simple starched white dress shirt and a nice, APPROPRIATE gray skirt. Oh mon Dieu!

Maybe she's practicing for Regis? Maybe she has some clothes, dare we say, that are appropriate for the morning news (second gasp)? Our money is on a crazy-assed, satin, shoulder padded, Towson Sheraton Happy Hour worthy outfit tomorrow. Or at least that's what we are hoping for.

And Mindy Basara... with the looks of your outfit today... need we remind you that Mindy Jr. has ballet class at 4pm, Timmy has karate at 3pm and you have that homeowners association pot luck board meeting tonight at 7pm. Bring your Jello Surprise, girl... that's always a big hit. (eye roll)

What's Your 20 Tubbs?

2009-08-12T11:00:00.000-04:00

Let's just say that whomever is the "webmaster" over at WBAL has been dipping into our Crazy Pills and we want them replenished thankyouverymuch. Yesterday, they posted a Satin Blooper. Today, they post Monday's forcast. Seriously, who's running the show over there? Someone who use to work at FEMA?

Today's outfit seemed a bit "retro" and by "retro" we mean not-so-good. That jacket had that Miami Vice/Crocket feel that we use to rock in the 80's - but we are proud to report that our jacket didn't excentuate awful, poofed shouldering. Forgettable black top, fogettable skirt BUT we noticed the return of the thin, black cinching belt - appropriately worn on her HIPS. Maybe she got it fixed or bought a new one at Belts-R-Us.

Hey WBAL, let's tighten it up over there.... remember... we're watching.

Was That A Do-Over?

2009-08-11T13:17:00.000-04:00

I guess Satin McCoy was having a sh*t day or couldn't find her clipboard and didn't know when the next limbo contest was or on what deck but we can't believe WBAL is now posting Satin Bloopers. Man, they're kinda hard on her.

Up For Some Shuffle Board On The Lido Deck?

2009-08-11T09:22:00.000-04:00

Love... exciting and new. Come aboard... we're expecting you... (sing it everyone!)

Tuesday's outfit had us on a pleasure cruse to Satinville. A crisp, white summer suit highlighted by, guess what bitches, a navy blue, strapless (assumed) satin camisole. Ahoy hoy Baltimore!

This outfit begged us to kick back, have head bartender Issac Washington make us one of his famous strawberry daiquiris, and watch Satin McCoy forcast smooth sailing for the rest of the week.

Love... life's sweetest reward. Let it flow... it flows back to you... (take us out in song people!)

Hit Us With Your Best Shot

2009-08-10T09:11:00.000-04:00

We started off our balmy Monday with a steamy forecast of humidity, low winds and a high pressure system of beige. Satin's cream colored or taupe linen suit with haphazardly rolled up sleeves kicked things off in the right/wrong direction - depends on who you're routing for.

Next, that top (eye roll).... we think we saw that thing in Pat Benatar's "Hell Is For Children" music video watching Friday Night Videos. It was a lacy, off the shoulder number with a suggestive "nude" under-material. News worthy, no. Electric Slide worthy, yes.

And who knew Satin was a championship Mexican wrestler? This is her SECOND championship belt... that we've seen.

Like they always say, if you have nothing nice to say, come sit by us.

Satin Hut! Open For Business

2009-08-07T17:26:00.000-04:00

Thanks to such a resounding "omfg" about Satin and all things Satin, we have taken upon ourselves to open up a "Weather In Satin Shoppe" aka Satin Hut.

http://www.cafepress.com/weatherinsatin

... where you can find all of your offical Weather In Satin merchandise.

Part of the proceeds will go to Livestrong - The Lance Armstrong Cancer Foundation. The other part will go to sales tax. Cancer sucks and the man is always keeping us down!

So shop till ya drop and look for new Satin designs!

Konichiwa bitches!

DJ Bad Babysitter

2009-08-07T15:37:00.001-04:00

Wanna be ballers? shot-callers?
Brawlers -- who be dippin in the benz wit the spoilers
On the low from the jake in the taurus
Tryin to get my hands on some grants like horace

DJ Bad Babysitter will be behind the wheels of steel this Saturday night.

Idle Hour - Federal Hill - Fort Avenue
10pm - 2am

View Larger Map

Business Casual Friday!

2009-08-07T09:20:00.000-04:00

So, what's going on at the WBAL studios on Friday's? Is it because of vacation time and the "cat's away", etc?

First of all, "Sylvia from Accounting" returned this Friday to give us the traffic report. We guess she did such a stellar job reading off of the flash cards last week that they gave her another shot at reading off of MORE flash cards this week.

BUT this time "Sylvia From Accounting" was swinging for the fences and put on her fancy, big buttoned, who-knows-what fabric, interview jacket. She was heard mumbling "Casual Friday my fanny!" right before the words "action" left the producers lips. Looks like Satin is dolling out some fashion advice around the studio.

Which brings us to our "Secondly"... are we taking Crazy Pills or did it look like someone made a pilgrimage to Jo Ann Fabrics?!? Seriously, that top looks soooooo home sewn. It's as if Satin downed three glasses of Chardonney while watching a Project Runway marathon, sped off to Jo Ann's fabrics, picked up a "fancy, modern pattern" and some very cheap, very Chess King looking fabric and went for it. Honey, stick to the weather and leave the designing to the professionals.

As Ralph Lauren once said - "I don't design clothes. I design dreams." Puuuuuuulease, Ralph. (eye roll)

Apparently This is Shaking on Shakedown Street

2009-08-06T10:26:00.000-04:00

Nothin Shakin On Shakedown Street

2009-08-06T09:14:00.000-04:00

Big job interview today, Satin? See something more appealing on Monster.com than reporting the morning weather to Baltimore and it's surrounding vicinity?

The black suit with the big buttons is always a dead giveaway to the boss that you have something in the works. But it's smart to have a Plan B, Satin... especially in this economy.

And that top.... is that a tie-dyed camisole that you got from your days of working at Ben & Jerry's in the 90's serving up double dips of Chunky Monkey?!? One Weather In Satin fan wrote in that it "looked like she was on her way to a Phish show." We couldn't agree more. And OF COURSE it's TUCKED IN! Where does one purchase a tie-dyed, satin camisole? Forever 4:20? Seriously.

Satin... we STRONGLY suggest that you attend The Feast of Fashion at Woodberry Kitchen, this Saturday (Aug 8) from Noon to 3pm. Four great boutiques Shine Collective, Form, Double Dutch and Ma Petite Shoe will be showing off Fall's finest clothes and accessories. A great event that benefits the Maryland Food Bank. Tickets are $20 and you can still get them at any of the 4 boutiques in Hampden.

Satin... please go.

Mazel Tov Satin!

2009-08-05T10:56:00.000-04:00

Today's outfit was EXTRA Satiny and shiny, nay... shimmering - so shiny that the green screen gave her ensemble, dare we say, a GLITTER effect! Mariah Carey would have been proud "you go (weather) girl!"

So, again with the HUGE cinching belt?!? Yes, yes, we're tired of typing that also but it is what it is. Do they have a walk-in closet over there at WBAL that is just FULL of belts? "And on with the tour... to your right is where all of our "talent" finds their belts for the day... please don't touch anything... and no flash photography."

We can only image that Satin had to jet on over to the Goldberg Bar Mitzvah or the Klein Bat Miztvah or anything ending in Mitzvah right after her 9am weather report. Doesn't she seem a little gussied up for 8:25am?

Baruch atah adonai, Satin!

A Chance To Move One

2009-08-04T09:16:00.000-04:00

Satin... honey... don't you think it's time that you broke up with that belt? Seriously.

Think of all of the great times you had together - all of those weather reports and the "feel good" news happenings... and the years of cinching. We know it's not easy; it isn't you, it's him/her. You've grown apart. Look at him/her... he/she's a mess! Today you even had to do that "shit, my belt just broke" tuck thing. We don't blame you for trying. Move on! Buy a new accentuating belt!

As for that shirt.... tight in all of the wrong places, lifeless, and unflattering.

And the skirt... black and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzz z

Ummmm WTF, OMG, LOL, you name it

2009-08-03T17:13:00.000-04:00

And the clips keep rolling in...

Here is a P.O.V. (point of view) video of Satin, taken by Satin, as she took the Polar Bear Plunge this year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6MyCWXnyBw

It's disturbing on so many levels. At one point, as she "dives" into the water, she seems to join a shark attack feeding frenzy.

And you can see from this clip that she wore a simple, black, one piece suit with white piping.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KTX_zTZVjo

Stone Cold Satin!

LIVE! With Regis and Kelly and Satin Announce Date

2009-08-03T14:02:00.001-04:00

It was just announced that Satin will be joining Regis and/or Kelly Wednesday, August 19th. There seems to be a new "fill in" each day - some men anchors that will wear suites and some lady anchors that will also wear... suits. But we have Satin and Satin will not disappoint! Check it out here.

Please please please wear that hat! Please please please wear some satin! Please please please tuck in everything!

And thanks to all of you who have visited this blog Weather In Satin. It has been reported by our Analytics team that there have been over 540 visitors since last Friday. Wowwie Zowwie!

Spread the word and keep coming back!

Arrrrrrrrrr matie!

2009-08-03T09:17:00.000-04:00

100% chance of frills and poofs and more frills and a tuck! That's Mondays forecast.

Today's outfit, again, is half right and half totally wrong.

There is nothing unpleasant about a black pinstriped, wool-blended, fitted skirt. It's sensible, conservative but sleek if worn on the right frame. BUT when you tuck in a short sleeved pirate blouse INTO that skirt... Houston we have a problem!

We think it's great that pirates have a practical, short-sleeved look for the summer time. It says: "Hey, I'm a pirate. I'm gonna take your treasures and hide them and drink mead and say arrrrr all of the time. But it's hot out here. Good thing I have short sleeves."

So that begs the question: is a tucked in pirate shirt appropriate for the morning news? Probably not.

Maybe pirates also had a summer carpis pant, sensible for the wooden-legged Captain.

It's Freaky Friday!

2009-07-31T09:16:00.001-04:00

Today we snuggled into our 8:25a.m. broadcast wrapped up in our Slanket, sipping on our Venti Skim Latte and low and behold, apparently today is "Opposite Day" or "I Don't Know Where Satin Is Day".

First, the Traffic Lady is reading the headline news. Seriously... is she qualified to report the "news"? Doesn't she need a license or credentials or something?

Next, (deep breath) "Tonya the Intern" or "Sylvia from Accounting" is reading off of flash cards, giving us the traffic report!Seriously (the second "seriously") WE could do that! Apparently ANYONE standing around the studio not looking busy can give the traffic report! Where are all of the QUALIFIED news casters today?!?

Then low and behold, no Satin... and is that Satin's dad doing the weather!?! What the hell! Who is this guy?!? Did Satin wake up this morning to find herself awkwardly living in her father's body and vise versa? According to Disney, it happens all of the time.

We didn't approve any PTO (personal time off) for Satin. We were not alerted to today's absence. There is a rumor floating around the office that Satin and Mindy Basara were last seen en route to Dewey Beach for a much needed"girls weekend"!

Come back Satin! We miss you.

Satin on 98 Rock

2009-07-30T17:23:00.001-04:00

Apparently Satin graced the airwaves Tuesday to drum up votes for the "LIVE! With Regis and Kelly and Satin" contest.

The morning crew at 98 Rock asked her some questions, high jink and jocularity ensued yadda yadda yadda yeawhatevah.

What we wanted to know was - WHAT WAS SHE WEARING!?!

Thank you baby Jesus and Al Gore for inventing the internet! A simple click click click and 98 Rock has in-studio pics that did not disappoint.

First of all Satin looks kinda hot on the radio. BUT... this was the Tuesday outfit - which makes sense because it WAS TUESDAY. Those ribbed sleeves were pushed up... Satin was laid back! Unfortunately, there is no "second of all".

After much debate and some math, we think that the outfit took on a totally different feel on the radio. She looked like she was ready to party!

Get this girl an Appletini!

The Beautiful People. The Beautiful People.

2009-07-30T09:01:00.001-04:00

Satin... Marilyn Manson called and he wants his skirt back.

We started today out fine. A simple, long-sleeved, black, possibly cotton, fitted shirt/sweater. Appropriate for most events... even the news.

But Satin, as we know, doesn't like to play it safe. To offset the simplicity of her top, she chose a dominatrix-inspired, distressed stiff-cotton or even canvas-like, olive skirt. Buttons, buttons and more buttons.

Mistress Satin is coming over later to give us her "forecast". Our safety word is "humidity". What's yours?

OMFG... She Won! Satin Won!

2009-07-29T11:59:00.000-04:00

We can't believe she won! Satin will GUEST co-host an episode of "LIVE! With Regis and Kelly."

She was quoted as saying "Baltimore knows how to win!" Alas, do they know how to dress?

What will she wear? We are DYING to know. Someone out there - Style, B-Mag, Gutter Magazine, ANYONE - pick out an outfit for her. Every publication or boutique should put together a "Satin Suggestion."

The challenged has been issued.

Congrats Satin. Make us proud.

http://www.wbaltv.com/entertainment/20212856/detail.html

Back in Black

2009-07-29T09:36:00.001-04:00

There was a somber mood clouding over the news room today (pun intended). Not a lot of smiles... not even the fake ones. Maybe it's the chance of showers or the possible 90 degree humidity.

To accentuating that mood, Satin chose a basic black business suite with sleek lines and a fitted skirt - something to be worn to a funeral or taking in a middle school production of "Guys and Dolls".

But today she did not disappoint. After days of poly-cotton blends, Satin hit us with some SATIN. A simple yet ruffled sleeveless blouse, tucked of course (we hear that this number has a banded bottom - purchased possibly at the Limited - two summers ago) ... and it's steel blue.

"This world to me is like a lasting storm, Whirring me from my friends." - Bill Shakespeare

Ribber Para Su Placer!

2009-07-28T09:01:00.000-04:00

Today's forecast included a salmon (or coral), ribbed lightning storm of color and fabric. The grooved, well fitted, long-sleeved, sweater/shirt inspired confidence with a slight tip-of-the-hat to the poly-cotton bend. And the skirt, well that was white or cream and forgettable.

But won in a Mexican wresting match during a lost weekend in Tijuana, "Los Muchos Satino" proudly displayed her leather championship belt for all to behold. Look at the craftsmanship! Notice the amount of leather that was used - PETA is having heart palpitations.

"Ribber para su placer? We think not! Ribbed for OUR pleasure.

LIVE With Regis and Satin

2009-07-27T17:06:00.000-04:00

Now it looks like Satin wants to spoil, not only Baltimore, but the nation with her wardrobe.
She's throwing her satiny, laced hat into the proverbial ring to host LIVE! With Regis and Kelly.

You can vote for our girl here. You have to register to vote and let's be honest, that sounds like a pain in the can.

Viva La Satin!

Cream For Our Morning Coffee

2009-07-27T09:16:00.000-04:00

Satin kicked the week off with a classic, 90's poly-cotton cream suit - and of course it had a belt to cinch and accentuate.

It's Monday folks and it's business time! What was remarkable, other than the cream suit's questionable cut and fit, was that subtle and suggestive lacy camisole.

Let's be honest - Satin isn't all business. There's a party going on under there.

This Outfit is Not A Cinch

2009-07-24T11:00:00.000-04:00

Satin Fan "D.G." from Annapolis writes :

"And here I thought I was suffering alone. I didn't realize there were others out there that watched each morning in horror but unable to turn away from the disaster unfolding. This is one of my favorites..."

Thanks D.G. The cinching and the belt combination - complex and wonderful. This outfit says "hey, I'm kinda fancy... and this belt accentuates all of this wonderful fabric-work."

Premier Post - For the Love of Satin

2009-07-24T09:33:00.000-04:00

We can no longer hold our tongues. Today's outfit was our tipping point. We have become obsessed with Baltimore's Channel 11 morning weather-person Sandra "Satin" Shaw.

Should that blouse be tucked in? No. And the suggestive "V" line pointing down to who knows where. Seriously? This is a satin-on-satin outfit people. We're talking frills, poofed shoulders, and a half-tuck?

We have no idea where this outfit would be appropriate. Maybe working in a local bank or a radio station or a very dark office.

To quote one of the obsessed fans "what the hell is going on here?"

So, check out our blog and please comment when you get a chance. All hail Satin.

To quote Liz Smith - "Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress."